My mom always used to say to me:
“If you haven’t got something nice to say…don’t say anything at all.”
Easy for her to say ~ she didn’t have my level of sarcasm that I wield every day to garner laughs and eyebrow raisings 
But Mom might have been on to something. Words are powerful. It’s why I’m writing this post. We read them and they provoke us, challenge us, make us think. Every once in a while they might actually inspire us to take action and do some good or stand up for something we believe in!
In today’s age though where anyone can self publish and there are no editors to catch our mistakes and misinterpreted tones, we have an obligation to stop and think! Think about the inferred tone; think about the reactions of others. Think about the consequences. Think about “what’s my message?”
” Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”
Well we all know that’s total crap now. Words CAN hurt and often do. Words can destroy a person’s reputation. Words once spoken or written are often accepted without any evidential proof. Words can dig and cut just like a knife.
In our social world where we share everything with the click of a button, it has become easier and easier to stumble. And for those who are more socially challenged (you know the ones – they try so hard to be witty but just can’t seem to pull it off) ~ they can wreak havoc in your life if you’re not careful. Managing delicate egos and even more fragile careers has become part of our every day jobs and there seem to be a plethora of them.
Its so important to be inclusive and honor other people’s feelings and attempts at being social (albeit clumsy at times) and I find myself explaining the social etiquette that I take for granted on a daily basis. I won’t go into all the etiquette rules as there have been several quality posts written about that (google it!) but I will say that as a strategist the key to remember is that you’re just having a conversation with someone. It’s YOUR job to make sure you’re clear and articulate. It’s YOUR job to consider how your message may be received, not just by the intended receiver but also by anyone else who may view it. And it’s YOUR job to filter yourself…just as you would at a dinner party or with your friends and family. It doesn’t mean you always have to be positive or cheerful…just respectful.
It’s also extremely important to check your facts. You are liable for your words so be clear. Do not think for one minute that armed from behind your computer with your self proclaimed “Citizen Journalist” title that you are free to launch your verbal rockets. One Montana woman is potentially facing a $2.5 Million penalty in a defamation lawsuit. > Montana Blogger Is Not A Journalist
Think before you speak (or write as the case may be.) Good old advice.
Thanks Mom.
Post Script: Some do it very well. Follow Katie Lance @katielance Social Media Director Inman News; Jeff Turner @respres President Zeek Interactive; Nicole Nicolay @nik_nik Founder Agent Evolution and My Tech Opinion; Matthew Shadbolt Director of Interactive Product and Marketing @Corcoran Group; Marc Davison @1000wattmarc Founding Partner at 1000 Watt Consulting
About Teri Conrad
Great post Teri and a good reminder. I often remind myself that sometimes things don’t translate well through email, Twitter, Facebook and so on. A number of years ago (long before Twitter….) it was suggested to me to write hot, edit cold – advice that has yet to steer me wrong.
Hey Kristine~ Thanks for you comments. Love that “Write Hot, Edit Cold”. Good stuff!
I think in this fast paced world we often just DO without thinking…need to remind ourselves to slow down.
Teri – sage advice indeed, although I will disagree with you slightly, if I may. The “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” sentiment has always bugged me a bit. I don’t think that method is conducive to viable discussion on most subjects, less the “do I look fat in this dress?” type of queries. It is certainly important to have and evaluate facts and evidence if making a statement that could be construed as factual and could be detrimental to someone’s livelihood or reputation – but that’s why we have libel and defamation laws in place. Sadly, quite a few of the bloggers that are asking for the same protections that are generally afforded to journalists, aren’t willing to follow the same rules that journalists follow, so you have cases like the one where Cox found herself in hot water. It wasn’t that she needed to be nice, just responsible, which she was not. Has nothing to do with the fact that she isn’t a real journalist, imho.
And of course as one who doesn’t really have a filter, I’m not surprised to not be on your nifty little list in the postscript:-) xoxo
oh COOL…now I can reply from here! RAD!
Inna ~ I completely agree with your point. In fact I LOVE a good debate! I think the ‘if you don’t have something nice to say’ advice comes into play for people who just seem to be miserable and love to whine and complain or just a need to stir up trouble…I see no use for it. HOWEVER, you know that I totally value constructive analysis. Again I completely agree with your take on the blogger defamation case.
And truth be told you SHOULD have been included in my post script because you always offer thoughtful and well articulated ideas. We NEED writers like you who challenge us to look at things from other angles! I appreciate all of your ideas and comments! Cheers girl!
I loved what you wrote Teri , and where it somes from. If I may add… That passion that comes through writing does need unbridled flow in order to get the message across, keep the writing interesting and to keep us coming back. I come from a place of positivity but embrace snark when appropriate.
To me, where ever the message comes from, so long as you are true to yourself, and mindful of the message, it’s alway appropriate.
Inna made me laugh my a$$ off. Thank you Inna. We all wish we had a little bit more of you and had the balls to operate with less of a filter. I love reading your comments and getting to know you a little better every day.
Agree Agree Agree!! To be clear: When I say ‘filter’ I simply mean speak appropriately for your audience….now having said that I LOVE yours and Inna’s snark! It always makes me laugh and there is HUGE value in that! And you’re right~ we need to be a little more ‘ballsy’ and say what we really think! Thanks for your thoughts!
Why are you moderating me? LMFAO!!!!!!! hahahhahahhahah oh, that’s why…
and OMG – working on it! Sheesh!!! (trust me – no comments should be moderated!!)
NOW you tell me.
Silly Wabbit!
I LOVE the whole part about being in control of how our “message” is received. Or not, as the case may be. I think as much as we can have a lack of filters in our online communication..sometimes we are not crafting and thinking about EXACTLY what we want to say about ourselves, our brand, or our services. That’s my big take-away this year..”craft my message” to reflect me and my brand to reach those I want to reach. Strike a balance
Oh YES GURL! You are onto something! And I can tell you’ve gotten very clear! “Craft my message” ~ Powerful stuff!
There’s a line in Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends & Influence People” that goes something like: “I will speak all the good of everyone I know.” Which goes back to your original sentence, “if you haven’t got something nice to say, don’t say it at all.”
Great advice. Both on-line (especially) and off-line. Wit and tone of voice don’t translate online (Tweets, Email, Status Updates). It’s easy to come off sounding like an *ss even if you didn’t mean to.
Hey Ricardo ~ The Blogging King!! Thanks for your comments! We can all learn from your example I’m sure